Yesterday my Instagram feed was full of stories of virtual team drinks, and because people generally post about what is novel and important to them, it brought to life the unique situation in which the office-based workforce has suddenly found itself.
Across the world, offices and streets are emptying as people work from home and self-isolate. Whilst this is proving to be an essential way of slowing the spread of the Corona Virus, it is a pretty unusual experience for many of us. The first day or two could be quite exciting, with newfound freedoms of attending meetings whilst still in bed and a more relaxed dress code (on the off-camera bottom half at least). But the lonely reality of this new normal will not take long to set in.
As social isolation has been found to be associated with mental health issues*, it is now more important than ever for people working from home and self-isolating to be aware of not only what they need themselves to be well-functioning, but also what their colleagues need. And what I mean by well-functioning, is not just surviving. We do not know how long we will be working like this, so we need to be able to thrive whilst being much more alone than we are used to.
With an estimated 93% of communication being non-verbal**, moving all interactions to a virtual space creates a bigger challenge for people to accurately monitor whether their people are thriving or simply surviving. The reality is that this “business unusual” time offers a real opportunity for people to overthink, to suppress the complex emotions they are feeling and to be physically impacted by the restrictions that working from home might bring, which all plays havoc with mental health and productivity.
So what can people do to help their colleagues do more than survive and, in fact, build deeper, more effective relationships for the long term?
It is not enough to proffer a daily “how are you?” because its familiarity as a greeting means often people go to an automatic and socially acceptable answer. We need a more thoughtful way of checking in with each other. One of the benefits of working from home is the time gained by not having to travel to work, so use that time for “deep check ins” with your colleagues.
Start with a big question like “What was your experience of the last 24 hours?”. This question offers the answerer the freedom to go anywhere with their response.
Pick up on the clues about how people are feeling, through the use of emotional words for example. Ask the direct question “How are you feeling?” and listen hard to what is said and what is not. Don’t accept fine/good/not bad as a real answer, they are not emotions and are masking what is really going on for them.
It is important to check in on how they are feeling physically too, and not just in a Corona Virus symptom way. Working from home means a different work environment which can result in a whole manner of new realities including less exercise, a different seating configuration, a smaller screen.. all of which might impact the body.
One of the biggest misunderstandings is that people want or need others to give them the answers to their own problems. Just being heard is often a way for someone to get to their own answer. You could ask "what is the one thing you can do, to improve upon how you are feeling?” to encourage a focus on solutions. And if you are more senior than the person with whom you are speaking, you might want to share how you are feeling too. Showing a little bit of vulnerability is a good way to encourage others to show theirs too.
The really important part is to not have any judgement on anything that comes up for you, when talking to others. And offer lots of appreciation for identifying emotional challenges, expressing the truth and finding solutions.
Last but certainly not least, if you are worried about someone you work with then it is important you help them access the right help, for example you can suggest they book an appointment with their GP, HR manager or access an Employee Assistance Program.
*Thanks to Ken Helm via Nat Helm, for inspiring me with the original crisis quote. **Khullar, Bhruv (2016). "How Social Isolation Is Killing Us". The New York Times. ***Mehrabian, Albert (1971). Silent Messages.
